Blues

blue

Hi people of the world….

yeah I feel pretty weird and I’m not sure what is going on with me these days. Today I haven’t gone to college and I have had time to think about how everything sucks although everything is perfectly alright and how I’m not doing enough although I seem to be doing something all day.

I feel very lost and I really wish I was more mature than I am. I tend to revel in my childishness but I really can’t take another second of this uncertainty. I also realise that you guys probably haven’t understood a word of this. Anyway I am going to strive to be more productive from now on.

I have been applying to some organisations so we will see how that goes and I also applied to a site called gaysi.com . This has strange name but it means gay-desi and “desi” is a term used to describe someone from India. Anyway I applied for a guest posting slot and they agreed, which now leaves me with the question of what to write,

Most of the people there are adults because…..well people tend to not even come out to themselves here. I think I will write something for the teens even though they probably won’t check out the site anyway. I think that right now all I have to offer it the perspective of a gay teen, which isn’t a bad thing, only for the first time I feel a little like a poser. I want to change the world but I don’t seem to have clue about my own life.

I have decided that the only way to prevent myself from thinking is to fill all my day with work. If I am constantly doing something then I can’t be wasting time and then I won’t feel worthless.

Sometimes I really wish I could see you guys face to face, especially some of my blogger friends like tryingsomethingnew and floddedroses, I think that if I meet you guys and saw my life through the eyes of a third party maybe then I would see who I actually am.

 

I am going to stop wallowing now but I just wanted to give a shout out to some people.

TryingSomethingNew because I actually have gotten to talk to her these past two months and it has been great. It made me feel great to talk to someone who is a blogger and a friend. Just talking about inconsequential things made me feel calmer.

And Mr Purple he is a close friend of mine and he has recently started blogging again which is what makes me want to write as well. I miss him and my other friends terribly so its great to be able to get a picture of his life.

That’s it for today I guess……but on a lighter note I am going to be making a list of my favorite K-pop songs soon (yes I have jumped on the band wagon) anyway the stuff is awesome so hopefully I’ll make it soon.

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