Hello people of the world (I have decided to stick with just hello because making a new greeting everyday is too much work). Anyway I read something interesting today in another blog and it prompted me to write today. First before I get to the topic I want to get something off my chest. I don’t know if you guys remember, but a while back I wrote a post about my first (and second) time and how I decided to wait awhile before having sex again……right, that didn’t work out.
In my defence it had been sometime, a few months after the post before I hooked up with another guy ( more than a few times). This time it was better,not satisfying but not painful either. Anyway I was reading a post about a girl blogger I haven’t decided if I’m going to use her ID here, I might ask her if she doesn’t mind being mentioned here (I asked her and she said yes so this is her Ms AttemptingReality). Anyway, said blogger was talking about being a romantic and wanting a family and kids, and the thought occurred to me that she sounded a lot like me. As I continued reading, a line came up in which she said that she couldn’t see herself hooking up with people left and right which is where I had to stop for a bit.
I don’t know too much about this girl but somehow she sounds exactly like me two years ago. For me love was finding the right guy doing something creative with my life but never ever sleeping around. When I read that line in her post I suddenly felt sad. I feel like I’m not doing justice to the me of yesterday. I’m still idealistic, I still believe in love but those ideals are slowly slipping away.
I won’t say that I’m sleeping with people left and right but, it’s not for lack of trying. I still believe in love but I also grew to understand that I probably wouldn’t find the right person for me right now. I’m just a teenager, what are the odds that I’m going to find Mr right, right this instant. When that realization dawned on me I started relaxing my ideals a bit. I might not find Mr right for a long time, in the meantime I’m not going to be completely celibate and wait for him.
I appreciate the new me for the most part. He is more daring more assertive and realistic. He has realized that love and sex are two separate things and that you don’t need to be in love to have sex; but at the same time I mourn the loss of the me of yesteryear. He was so sweet and innocent and I feel like I lost him somewhere along the way.
Sometimes sacrifices need to be made to survive and before I changed I wasn’t doing well (I was miserable). Now I miss the old me but not enough to go back to what I was.
SO in conclusion, I had sex…..I’m probably going to continue to have sex…I don’t think less of myself in fact I think the new me is much stronger, only less innocent.
Mr Right if you’re out there I’m sick of waiting for you to fucking save me, I can do it myself. If you want to come along you’re welcome but I’m done waiting. In the meantime Taylor Swift songs won’t sound the same anymore.
Another thank you to AttemptingReality it was gracious of her to allow her to let me use her as inspiration. I should ask for permission more often.
I’m sorry Mr P and Mr D (if you read this) . I know it sounds kinda crass but I told you I’m freaky
My internet connection is almost dead. If it finishes I might not be able to post for a while.