Pain and Beauty




Hello people of the world. There is a reason I haven’t been posting lately. I had quite a few posts in mind but over the last week things changed and again I found myself lost. I don’t know when everything will stop spinning but I hope it will happen soon because every time I relax or think that things are going to calm down, the ground is always yanked from under my feet and I find myself back on the floor.

As you may have gathered, the last week has been less than stellar. I had quite a few shocks and I have been pushed around the country with very little say in the matter. Again today as I finally thought things had calmed down I found that once again I would probably be moved. Throughout the last week or rather the past month I haven’t felt truly relaxed but only today I realized that it may be a long time before I do get settled anywhere, so I have made the decision to stop whining and to take it on the chin.

I had planned to make a very different post two days ago but when I was on the plane from Kerala to Delhi I saw a few things that changed my mind, which is what eventually led me to write this today.

As I boarded the plane already things had gone wrong in more than one way. I was frazzled and upset because I had in the span of four hours gone  from relaxing on my bed to having a booked flight and already about to catch the flight back to Delhi. Things weren’t going right for me and this tied in to my whole feeling of general misery. I got in my seat and as if on autopilot and did as the flight attendants said, it was only after we took off that I broke out of my reverie. I was looking out of the window absent mindedly when the plane, in it’s early stage of flight passed over the beach just low enough that every little detail was still visible. There in that moment I was so lost in my pain that the sight of the beach caught me completely off guard, and as I continued to look at it the thought struck me that the beach and the sea were absolutely beautiful. Powerful, endless and untamable the sea ate up the beach with every wave of the rising tide. At that moment I wanted so badly to be there, to dip my feet into that force of nature, that I completely forgot my own worries.

As the plane rose I started seeing everything in a new light. The clouds that I had ignored since my first time on a plane looked new and wonderful to me. The big puffy one’s looked like the topping on a lemon meringue pie and the rest of them formed a seamless sheet of clouds that looked like the endless expanse of a frozen tundra. Even as I flew above the dilapidated slums of  Mumbai on a stop over, I still saw beauty in the twisting structures that had formed from years and years of houses being built on top of each other. This more than anything else made me feel calm and I realized that no matter what may be happening in my life the beauty of the world never ceased. If you are open to it there is always something beautiful and something hopeful in the world.

When I finally landed after eight hours of interconnecting flights, I left the airport not a hundred percent serene and calm but I was stronger. I knew that things would probably change again and most likely for the worst but I knew that I would deal with it when it came.

As I think back on those feelings I wish I had a picture to show you what I saw, but I don’t think any camera could catch what I felt then. I think to truly feel that way again, one needs to feel a certain degree of pain to open them up to beauty. I wish I could feel what I did then but then again it wouldn’t be so special if it happened often.


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