Dazed and Confused



Hello people of the world. I don’t know if you figured this out yet but I’m nineteen now, and I am pissed that you didn’t remember. But since we’re friends I forgive you this once. It happened on the 24 and there isn’t really much to say about it other than the fact that there was a cake. Interesting thing is being nineteen doesn’t feel any different, but something did change yesterday that had never happened to me before. I talked to a guy.Β  I put that in italics for the exact reason you think I did (obviously it I’ve talked to guys before, I don’t live under a rock).Β 

I’m not going to tell you where I met the guy because I’m not sure whether I want to support this kind of thing yet. I went on because I was bored, plain and simple. Anyway, I was just randomly going through people because I thought it was amusing and got some interesting results. My findings are as follows.

  1. If you go to a chat program, you will invariably be asked something sexual. I was on for five minutes before people were asking me all sorts of things.
  2. Anonymity makes people bold. Surprisingly it also makes people racist. Again within ten minutes I got called “fucking dark” and “a jihad”. It’s interesting how racism also makes people stupid or the other way around. Also lets take a moment to talk about the phrase a jihad Β I mean seriously. Why don’t you at least find out what the word means before saying it.
  3. A chat network of any kind is very interesting. I say interesting because I’m not sure whether it is a good thing or not. I never had any reason to go on these sites so I’m really freaking inexperienced, but over all I did have a good time.

Now I am going to the part that kinda pisses me off. I consider myself to be mostly mature in the ways that matter. I try to remain childish in some respects but that is mostly a personal decision. I realised yesterday that my teenage hormones are far from over. I talked to a guy, a really risky highly unadvisable web chat. I wasn’t really looking for something like this but this guy randomly comes on and he’s playing “sing” by travis in the background. I’m a music buff so I couldn’t resist pointing it out and then we talked about the song a bit. Next thing I know it’s two hours and around twenty songs later and I find that I am way into the guy.

This is the part where I realize how immature I can still be. While most of you western kids have been there done that, this is a first time for me. I’ve done it all in reverse, I had sex a couple of times but I never had a guy really talk to me as if he wanted to date me. It was exhilarating to say the least. I think we have talked for over six hours in the last day and a half even though our time zones are so far apart.

There are so many things about the guy that I want to gush about and for the first time in my life I can see this and understand what it means to be a hormonal mess. I feel so gushy and light and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know if I want to deal with it. Nothing is going to happen here, He lives in spain and he barely even speaks English but he’s got me feeling like a fucking teenage girl (no offence intended). I don’t want to be this way but I’m having way to much fun to not talk to him. I’ll just do what I always do for now. Do nothing and hope that things get better.


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12 responses to “Dazed and Confused

  1. HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!! (: Oooohhhh! A guy! That is so AWSOME! He has an accent doesn’t he? That’s hot. ( As for me, I’ve never ‘been there or done that’ I’m always late. One day I will get there.)

  2. Well the first thing to do when you go gushy is to remember that , you can be vulnerable and just break your heart into tiny little pieces…..
    Other than that, have some fun , experiment and what not πŸ™‚

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