Seperation

 

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Hello people of the world. I already wrote half a post already but then decided it was all wrong so this is the second draft. I have decided to save the “I’ve got issues” tag for another post because there is something else I want to talk about later so today will be reserved for another kind of post. It’s family time.

I don’t know how much you have already gathered about my family from my posts. I love them all but there have always been boundaries. I love my dad but at times he makes it very hard to be around him, I love my brother but he and I hated each other for a long time, it is only now that our relationship has gotten to a good stage. The only person who has always been there for me and who I believe will always be there for me, is my mother.

I talked about bullying before and I talked about how  I had a bad time in school, yes it wasn’t as bad as some other children have but to me it was torture. My mom was the one who was there for me throughout. When it was too much to take she was there is make me feel better and to tell me to hold on. She never dismissed me as just a kid and until recently she was the only one who really saw who I was, because I never let anyone else get close enough.

What I wanted to say through this whole dialog is that for such a long time she has been the most important person to me and now she is going away. I knew this was coming. Obviously I was going to have to live without her around when college started but now that the time has come I find I don’t know how to feel about it.

Obviously I’m a little sad but the realization that I am not going to see her for such a long time and that even when I do it’s never going to be the same again is going to hit me sooner or later and I don’t know how I’m going to deal with it. I know that I sound whiney right now and I might be behaving like a wuss but I don’t think I am. Over the years, especially the last year, I have grown to be a stronger person. If times get tough now, I know that I will find a way to deal with them. I guess what I really regret is the loss of the relationship. I’m not saying that we won’t talk but I know how it happens after a few years. The calls get less frequent. You are so busy catching up that you don’t really have time to really talk.

Maybe the worst part is that now she will be living alone with my dad. I say this again, he isn’t a bad guy but he like everyone else has flaws. While I was there at least some of his frustration would be taken out on me and if she ever needed to talk I was there for her but now even that will be hard. If I don’t really know what’s going on with there, how am I supposed to help her. She too has no one to talk to.

We will both learn to deal as we always do. I think that is our family motto. My brother and I always say this, “wherever we go, what ever we have to face, we will deal with it”. I say “deal” not we will overcome or something like that, it just means that we might not do well, we may wish that things would be different but no matter what we will always survive, so I know that we will be okay but maybe there just needs to a commemoration for the end of an era.

Bye mom, you won’t read this but I wouldn’t be able to say this to you anyway.

 

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