There are two hours left till I leave the house. Three hours after that I will catch a flight that will take me to India. The closer the deadline gets the more scared I get. I thought I was ready for this but now I really don’t know. So much has changed I have become a stronger and better person. I have made friends which I never thought I would make and life has just been so much better than it was before. Now its going to change.
I am really starting to feel scared now all my life I have felt alone. Besides my mom I haven’t had anyone I could rely on. Now that I finally have friends and people to talk to, it seems almost cruel that I have to leave now.
I wanted to write something eloquent today but all I can think of now is, I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to get stronger, I don’t want to face more challenges I just want to be able to depend on something. I am just starting to realize how different life is going to be. The freedom of not having to hide who I am, of not having to keep a secret all the time is over…..What makes it even more frustrating is that I am voluntarily sending myself into this.
I will keep telling myself that I will survive and that no matter how fucked up life will get, that I will make it through okay.
I want to be optimistic for you guys but I just can’t right now.
I will try to write to you guys again when I get to the airport but if I can’t I just wanted to thank you guys for being a part of one of the best years of my life so far.