Counting down

There are two hours left till I leave the house. Three hours after that I will catch a flight that will take me to India. The closer the deadline gets the more scared I get. I thought I was ready for this but now I really don’t know. So much has changed I have become a stronger and better person. I have made friends which I never thought I would make and life has just been so much better than it was before. Now its going to change.

I am really starting to feel scared now all my life I have felt alone. Besides my mom I haven’t had anyone I could rely on. Now that I finally have friends and people to talk to, it seems almost cruel that I have to leave now.

I wanted to write something eloquent today but all I can think of now is, I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to get stronger, I don’t want to face more challenges I just want to be able to depend on something. I am just starting to realize how different life is going to be. The freedom of not having to hide who I am, of not having to keep a secret all the time is over…..What makes it even more frustrating is that I am voluntarily sending myself into this.

I will keep telling myself that I will survive and that no matter how fucked up life will get, that I will make it through okay.

I want to be optimistic for you guys but I just can’t right now.

I will try to write to you guys again when I get to the airport but if I can’t I just wanted to thank you guys for being a part of one of the best years of my life so far.

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2 responses to “Counting down

  1. Hey don’t worry so much !
    You’re ready ,don’t doubt yourself ,
    Life changes, and shit happens it always has and always will .
    You know that as well as anyone .

    Take a deep breath and look forward to the new experiences lying ahead , they’re gonna be great and if they’re not well then don’t give up , they will be one day πŸ˜‰

    And as for your friends they’ll always be there for you πŸ˜‰

    • Sorry about that, I think I had a minor panic attack. I’m okay now, well at least for the most part. On the bright side,all this free time allowed me to write four new chapters for the book so I’ll be uploading that soon.

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