Hey there again! Those who have read my previous posts would know that am new to the whole blogging shtick so I’ve been doing things kinda wrong,from posting the same comment on someones page twice and not knowing how to remove it to following just about everyone and not having the heart to un-follow them.Despite the stupidity of these follies my greatest mistake has probably been doing this blog in reverse.
I feel like the posts I’ve gone so far should have come with time rather than right off the bat, but I don’t often think things through and so since i felt inspired to write those posts I did.But starting now I am going to rectify my error by clearing up somethings that have been missing.Which now brings me to the topic of this post,Coming out of the closet.
This is probably one of the most important event that happens to a member of the LGBT community.Many people know what the phrase means but not what it entails.For those people who think gay people are sissy’s you better think again because coming out is probably the hardest things anyone will have to do and it isn’t a one time thing. Every time you get a new friend, every time some girl is interested in you,every time you look in your mothers eyes and see the fear when you tell her that you told someone new that you are gay, that is what being gay in an intolerant world does to LGBT people everywhere.
I figured out I was gay very early on (probably when I was 10) and I have always have been proud of being gay but it took me even less time to figure out that being gay was considered a bad thing.For a long time I had trouble even saying the word.Sometimes i would stand in front of a mirror and practice saying I’m gay 10 times and surprisingly even to myself i was unable to do it. I would think something like “this is ridiculous you don’t need to say it if you know it” but the truth was I just couldn’t bear to say the word
My coming out is still in progress.I am now officially out to my mom,my brother,a cousin and two of my friends and i am glad to say that their support has been overwhelming, i know it’s not always going to be like this but it gave me a lot of hope where previously there was none.
To provide a reference point I am going to tell the story of how I came out to my mother.To say my method was unusual is an understatement.It happened around 4 years ago, I was just fourteen and already tired of keeping a secret. We had recently moved to Abu Dhabi (UAE in the middle east) and my mom was due to go for a tour of the city the next day.
At the time I had just recently gotten a music/video player and as a was more enthralled with the videos rather that the songs so I had gotten all the music in video from, I had also filled it up with scenes of my favorite gay couple from a German soap by the name Vrebotene Libe called christian and Oliver (get more info here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbotene_Liebe). My mom wanted to listen to some music on her trip and she asked if she could have my music player.
Needless to say I had a sleepless night deciding what to do.My head told me delete the videos and get it over with,but at the same time I was tired of hiding especially from my mom who was and is the most important person in my life.So i decided to keep the videos and the next day she took my music player and went on the tour.
After she went a lot of things happened at home and the thought of the videos completely left my mind till about an hour after she came back.She called me to her room and asked me to sit down.I still hadn’t remembered the videos so I was completely confused as to what was going on.After a while she says to me “Alex I was looking through some of your videos and I found something” at this point it finally sinks in and I find my self smiling (in times of great stress I start smiling or laughing) this makes my mom even more worried and she starts looking at me like I’m a crazy person.”So some of the videos I found had homosexual things in them” she said this with emphasis on the homosexual to which I eloquently replied “I know” so she says “is there any thing you want to tell me”.I then went on to tell her all about being gay and how trapped I felt (can you imagine the information overload),but one thing I maintained from the start I told her I was not confused I and that I was most definitely gay.
The response to this was along the lines of what I expected, she was accepting but scared and wanted me to keep it a secret, to which I complied to for maybe a year then I told my brother, sometime later my cousin and then just two months ago I told two of my friends who were all very supportive.
Coming out is an ongoing process and tough but when you go through it you come out on the other side a stronger person.I have yet to find the courage to tell my dad because my mom and I have both figured out that when he finds out he would kick me out of the house so I am waiting till I get a job to drop the bomb so it can be my decision.
I know this post has been kind of downer but I thought before I proceeded to blog that you should know where I am coming from.So to conclude I would like to let people know that if you need to talk,if you have a question to ask and even it you just want to feel less alone in the world I am at your service
Tomorrow I am listening things up by posting a list of things I love and things that are though about being gay.See ya!!